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Dear Satish, <br>
<br>
Thanks for sharing this document with us and thank you to the whole
team for the work done!<br>
<br>
I have several editorial comments. Please find them below.<br>
<br>
- Page 2, point 4, the last word "Tnewcomers", I guess "T" should be
deleted.<br>
- Page 3, Recommendation 1 - "(IGF, RIR ISOC)", after RIR should be
a comma. <br>
- Page 3, 2nd paragraph after Recommendation 1, in the text -
"Outreach needs to be focussed ", should be "focused".<br>
- Page 4, Recommendation 2 - "focussing" should be "focusing".<br>
- Page 4, in the last paragraph - "individuals members" to be
"individual members".<br>
- Page 5, 1st paragraph after Recommendation 3 - <br>
"An example of this work may be seen at local Internet Governance
initiatives like European Dialogue on Internet Governance (EuroDIG),
Latin American and Caribbean Internet Governance Forum (LACIGF),
Asia Pacific Regional Internet Conference on Operating Technologies
(APRICOT), the global IGF and other Internet related events."<br>
I suggest the following <br>
"An example of this work may be seen at local and regional Internet
Governance initiatives like European Dialogue on Internet Governance
(EuroDIG), Latin American and Caribbean Internet Governance Forum
(LACIGF), Asia Pacific Regional Internet Governance Forum (APrIGF),
Asia Pacific Regional Internet Conference on Operating Technologies
(APRICOT), as well as the global IGF and other Internet related
events."<br>
- Page 6, 3rd paragraph after Implementation #1 - "At-Large
represents end-user interests", should this be "end-users'
interests" or "end-user interests" is fine? just for you to pay
attention.<br>
- Page 7, 1st paragraph after Implementation #4 - "People have
specific interests that compel them to seek out individuals who
share the same interests. Ie. DNS for Women, Technology for Humanity
etc"<br>
I suggest<br>
"People have specific interests that compel them to seek out
individuals who share the same interests, i.e. DNS for Women,
Technology for Humanity, etc."<br>
- Page 10, the big paragraph about RALOs, particularly about APRALO
- "APRALO works closely with its regional partners (APNIC, ISOC,
APTLD, DotAsia, APrIGF), has MoUs with several of these. as well as
being active participants in Asia Pacific School on Internet
Governance (APSIG) and Asia Pacific Regional Internet Governance
Forum (APrIGF) programmes and activities" <br>
I suggest<br>
"APRALO works closely with its regional partners (APNIC, ISOC,
APTLD, DotAsia, APrIGF), has MoUs with several of them, as well as
is an active participant in Asia Pacific School on Internet
Governance (APSIG) and Asia Pacific Regional Internet Governance
Forum (APrIGF) programmes and activities"<br>
- in the same text after the word LACNIC there's a full stop "."
while it should be ";" followed by the word AFRALO. This sentence
ends with 2 full stops ".." - one should be deleted. Further you can
see "Another MOU" - better change to "MoU".<br>
- right after that "Overall there is relatively little funding from
ICANN supports these activities." - maybe it can be "Overall there
is relatively little funding from ICANN supporting these
activities." ?<br>
- Page 11, 3rd paragraph after Recommendation 7 - "The working
groups are an opportunity to participate in the bottom-up ecosystem
system of ICANN." I guess "system" should be deleted.<br>
- Page 12, 2nd line, after "Eno" it should be a comma "," ; in the
4th line, after the word "connected" it should be a full stop "." ;
in the last line of the same paragraph "ie." should be "i.e.". The
same i.e. can be met in the Recommendation 9 part, as well as page
14, 2nd paragraph after Recommendation 12.<br>
- Page 15, 2nd paragraph it should be South School instead of
Southern School. And since in the next paragraph it speaks about
inSIG, I suggest in the previous paragraph after speaking about the
1st Indian School of IG to add in brackets (inSIG).<br>
- Page 16, 1st paragraph after Recommendation 16, there's an extra
space before the full stop in the first sentence. In the second
paragraph, just for my understanding, what is viz.?<br>
<br>
Thank you.<br>
<br>
Best regards,<br>
<br>
Lianna Galstyan<br>
<br>
<br>
<div class="moz-cite-prefix">On 21/03/2017 20:38, Satish Babu wrote:<br>
</div>
<blockquote
cite="mid:CAA8UJvDF9Qb1YM64yD12JcT-aNOyubHrfzCm6LVM+2K4hhfxOw@mail.gmail.com"
type="cite">
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<div>Dear all,<br>
<br>
</div>
You would be aware that ALAC and the RALOs are both
responding to the call for public comments on the At-Large
Review recommendations. I have attached the final draft of
the response of the RALOs, which is the collective work of
the five RALOs.<br>
<br>
</div>
Please note that on account of the short time that we have
(public comments remain open only until 23 March 2017), this
document is being circulated for your information and any
last-minute comments. <b>If you have any comments, please
mail them to me before 23:59 UTC on Wednesday, 22 March,</b>
so that I can pass them on to the group of RALO leaders who
will consider them for possible inclusion.<br>
<br>
Please also note that the final editing and formatting of
the document will be done after any final comments are
received.<br>
<br>
</div>
With kind regards,<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
<br>
</div>
satish<br>
<div>
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<div><br>
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