[APAC-Discuss] At-Large Review: Response from RALOs

Lianna Galstyan lianna at magic.am
Wed Mar 22 13:10:31 UTC 2017


Dear Satish,

Thanks for sharing this document with us and thank you to the whole team 
for the work done!

I have several editorial comments. Please find them below.

- Page 2, point 4, the last word "Tnewcomers", I guess "T" should be 
deleted.
- Page 3, Recommendation 1 -  "(IGF, RIR ISOC)", after RIR should be a 
comma.
- Page 3, 2nd paragraph after Recommendation 1, in the text - "Outreach 
needs to be focussed ", should be "focused".
- Page 4, Recommendation 2 - "focussing" should be "focusing".
- Page 4, in the last paragraph - "individuals members" to be 
"individual members".
- Page 5, 1st paragraph after Recommendation 3 -
"An example of this work may be seen at local Internet Governance 
initiatives like European Dialogue on Internet Governance (EuroDIG), 
Latin American and Caribbean Internet Governance Forum (LACIGF), Asia 
Pacific Regional Internet Conference on Operating Technologies 
(APRICOT), the global IGF and other Internet related events."
I suggest the following
"An example of this work may be seen at local and regional Internet 
Governance initiatives like European Dialogue on Internet Governance 
(EuroDIG), Latin American and Caribbean Internet Governance Forum 
(LACIGF), Asia Pacific Regional Internet Governance Forum (APrIGF), Asia 
Pacific Regional Internet Conference on Operating Technologies 
(APRICOT), as well as the global IGF and other Internet related events."
- Page 6, 3rd paragraph after Implementation #1 - "At-Large represents 
end-user interests", should this be "end-users' interests" or "end-user 
interests" is fine? just for you to pay attention.
- Page 7, 1st paragraph after Implementation #4 - "People have specific 
interests that compel them to seek out individuals who share the same 
interests. Ie. DNS for Women, Technology for Humanity etc"
I suggest
"People have specific interests that compel them to seek out individuals 
who share the same interests, i.e. DNS for Women, Technology for 
Humanity, etc."
- Page 10, the big paragraph about RALOs, particularly about APRALO - 
"APRALO works closely with its regional partners (APNIC, ISOC, APTLD, 
DotAsia, APrIGF), has MoUs with several of these. ​as well as being 
active participants in Asia Pacific School on Internet Governance 
(APSIG) and Asia Pacific Regional Internet Governance Forum (APrIGF) 
programmes and activities​"
I suggest
"APRALO works closely with its regional partners (APNIC, ISOC, APTLD, 
DotAsia, APrIGF), has MoUs with several of them, ​as well as is an 
active participant in Asia Pacific School on Internet Governance (APSIG) 
and Asia Pacific Regional Internet Governance Forum (APrIGF) programmes 
and activities​"
- in the same text after the word LACNIC there's a full stop "." while 
it should be ";" followed by the word AFRALO. This sentence ends with 2 
full stops ".." - one should be deleted. Further you can see "Another 
MOU" - better change to "MoU".
- right after that "Overall there is  relatively little funding from 
ICANN supports these activities." - maybe it can be "Overall there is 
relatively little funding from ICANN supporting these activities." ?
- Page 11, 3rd paragraph after Recommendation 7 - "The working groups 
are an opportunity to participate in the bottom-up ecosystem system of 
ICANN." I guess "system" should be deleted.
- Page 12, 2nd line, after "Eno" it should be a comma "," ; in the 4th 
line, after the word "connected" it should be a full stop "." ; in the 
last line of the same paragraph "ie." should be "i.e.". The same i.e. 
can be met in the Recommendation 9 part, as well as page 14, 2nd 
paragraph after Recommendation 12.
- Page 15, 2nd paragraph it should be South School instead of Southern 
School. And since in the next paragraph it speaks about inSIG, I suggest 
in the previous paragraph after speaking about the 1st Indian School of 
IG to add in brackets (inSIG).
- Page 16, 1st paragraph after Recommendation 16, there's an extra space 
before the full stop in the first sentence. In the second paragraph, 
just for my understanding, what is viz.?

Thank you.

Best regards,

Lianna Galstyan


On 21/03/2017 20:38, Satish Babu wrote:
> Dear all,
>
> You would be aware that ALAC and the RALOs are both responding to the 
> call for public comments on the At-Large Review recommendations. I 
> have attached the final draft of the response of the RALOs, which is 
> the collective work of the five RALOs.
>
> Please note that on account of the short time that we have (public 
> comments remain open only until 23 March 2017), this document is being 
> circulated for your information and any last-minute comments. *If you 
> have any comments, please mail them to me before 23:59 UTC on 
> Wednesday, 22 March,* so that I can pass them on to the group of RALO 
> leaders who will consider them for possible inclusion.
>
> Please also note that the final editing and formatting of the document 
> will be done after any final comments are received.
>
> With kind regards,
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> satish
>
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> APAC-Discuss mailing list
> APAC-Discuss at atlarge-lists.icann.org
> https://atlarge-lists.icann.org/mailman/listinfo/apac-discuss
>
> Homepage for the region: http://www.apralo.org

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