[ALAC] URGENT: Internationalization of ICANN

[Alan Greenberg]

Just received this. Looks like ICANN is finally 
listening to us regarding the internationalization of ICANN.

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[Routers]  1 April 2015, Los Angeles   12:01am UTC

Fadi Chehadé, CEO of ICANN announced today major 
changes in the internationalization of ICANN, the 
Internet Corporation for Names and Numbers, as 
well as changes in other ICANN plans and 
activities.  These changes will take effect immediately.

"To promote greater international equity in ICANN 
proceedings, we have decided to phase out English 
as our lingua franca," Chehadé announced.   From 
now on, material written diplomatically will be 
distributed in French, the historical language of 
diplomacy.  All other formal communications will 
use Arabic.  In this way, top management at ICANN 
will be able to follow activities of the ICANN 
community clearly and effectively.

In addition, ICANN will rotate IANA approval 
e-mails in random order through the entire ISO 
country code list, rather than just 
US/NTIA.  Each half month, a different  country's 
appropriate governmental body will handle 
approval e-mails.  Uruguay is first in line, 
handling approvals for 1-15 April, followed by 
Kazakhstan.   An anonymous spokesperson for IANA 
admitted that "timing of TLD requests may affect your results."

In the interests of continuity and stability of 
ICANN, Fadi Chehadé announced that at the end of 
his term, his son will take over as President and 
CEO of ICANN.  In preparation, Chehadé intends to 
make every effort to solidify I* (pronounced "I 
czar") dominance for his reign.  Chehadé notes 
that the conflict is likely to be waged using 
their preferred weapon, 'poison press releases.'

ICANN's Los Angeles Headquarters will shortly be 
moved to the Queen Elizabeth II, which was 
recently purchased using ICANN auction proceeds, 
and which will provide a movable extraterritorial 
base for stable and secure future 
operations.  The tradition of regional meetings 
will be retained as the QE2 sails between countries and continents.

In line with its new extraterritorial status, 
ICANN will apply for UN membership, and has just 
designated John Jeffrey to be its first 
ambassador to that body.  Jeffrey, a U.S. citizen 
whose native language is Privileged and 
Confidential Californian, said that he planned to 
promote it as an additional UN official 
language.  Further, as part of its plan to 
transition itself to country status, ICANN has 
taken by eminent domain the two-letter domain 
".IC"   The ISO and the government of the Canary 
Islands have been notified of this change.  ICANN 
expects also to apply for membership in the GAC 
and to take an active part in its proceedings.

After almost 15 years of effort, ICANN committees 
studying the evolution of WHOIS have found a 
solution to the thorny issues plaguing their 
progress.  "We have decided rather to create a 
WHOISN'T service for people who were never born," 
explained one member of a committee who requested 
anonymity,  "We don't know who those people are 
because they never were, so we couldn't care less 
about what happens to their data."

In a long overdue evolution of ICANN's tradition 
of open discussion, the public forum will undergo 
substantial revision.  At future public forums, 
the community will sit on stage, and the Board 
and staff will line up behind microphones and tell them what to do.

ICANN congratulates the CWG for making such rapid 
progress.  In the tradition of digital archery, 
the CWG has adopted the principle of planetary 
archery, and has recommended that IANA reviews be 
scheduled for each total solar eclipse, with the 
review committee consisting of representatives 
from each country observing at least 80% of 
totality.  In appreciation of its service to the 
community, the CWG will be honored at its 
forthcoming 100th meeting by being awarded the 
coveted Sisyphus Perseverance Award, named after 
the Greek God Sisyphus, who really got the ball rolling.

Until the ship sails, ICANN is still located at 
12025 Waterfront Drive in Los Angeles, California, USA.